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***** IDENTITY CRISIS *****




---IDENTITY CRISIS---

Image marred by self-infliction
Private wars on my soul waged
Heart is scarred by dual volitions
Juxtaposed and both engaged
Kindle flame, a test of faith
Pray help me see it through
I put all my trust in you

Refine hate and love
Fall afresh on me
End this crisis of
Identity

Draw this darkness out like poison
Stab, retrieve, again decline
Help me drive the dagger deeper
Trace with me explicit line
Take this blade, a test of faith,
And strike me deep and true
I put all my trust in you

Refine hate and love
Fall afresh on me
End this crisis of
Identity

This is my voice, all shadows stayed this is my heart,
upon the altar laid Please take all else away, hear my cry, I beg, I plead, I pray I'll walk into the flame, a calculated risk to further bless your name So strike me deep and true, and in your strength I will live and die both unto you.

---PHONIEX IGNITION---

Like a phoenix ignition
like a crematorium
Like a swelling volition
from the barrel of a gun
From the ashes and the embers
like a rocket I'll ascend
Like a cry gone up for a fallen friend
I'll ascend
Everyday tear down the walls
till cornerstones remain
Coming one step closer all the time
And although we'll never reach perfection always persist to try

No regrets, just rebirth
move forward, and ignite.
Incandescent Reinvention
a new renaissance
a new fire each day

---IN YOUR HANDS---

Am I talking to myself again
Is there anybody listening
Are you taking this in
Am I wasting my breath
Tell me is the wind in your sails
Worth everything you give
Are you looking for something
Forgiveness

I leave it up to you
I guess I'm better off removed
Because this situation's
Growing too thick
Could it have been something I said
Or was it something that I did
Did I ruin my chance
Have you written me off
Tell me where did I cross the line
And can I work my way back this time
Will I always regret this
Decision

I leave it up to you
I hope you find a good excuse
Because I've given about all that I can give
I could try to count the times
That I've been through this in my mind
But I'm running out of fingers
And I don't have that much time

---TO WHAT END---

to what end do we
proceed so boldly
if all we are is
chemical reactions
and what world have you
deftly sold me
if you reduce me

if I have no soul to touch
no heart to love
no evil to rise up above
no angels and no ghosts
no real victories to toast
if you believe that this is true
then I must ask
to what end do you proceed


no fire in our eyes
no steel in our hearts
no magic in our songs

are we just empty vessels

did I not feel your love
did I not feel your hate
and did my heart not beat
and did my heart not break
and are these tears for naught
and are these worlds in vain
if this is all we are then what
have we to gain


What of all the art and books
music and poetry
What of all our memories
What of our hopes and dreams
They hold no value then
We hold no faith but greed
So I must ask you
To what end do we proceed?

---ULTRA BLUE---

Unabashedly pursue,
the Truth that we cannot deny
A revelation shining through,
orchestration Adonai
A revolution ultra-blue,
and a melodic battle cry
And though you say therell be no coup,

well never know unless we
Try to see it through,
and find a different point of view,
one where faith is not taboo
And well all learn to see the world as new

Sometimes a belief held true,
is proved to be an outright lie
But it seems we always knew,
in some unspoken lullaby
Ill see you at the rendezvous,
well raise our voices to the sky
And though its said therell be no coup,

well never know unless we
Try to see it through, and find a
Different point of view,
one where faith is not taboo
And well all learn to see the world as new

---AS THE RUIN FALLS---

Only now that you have taught me
(but how late) my lack
I see the chasm
and everything you are was making
my heart into a bridge
by which I might get back
from exile and grow man
and now the bridge is breaking

for this I bless you as the ruin falls

the pain you bring
far greater than all other gain

---A TORCH TO END ALL TORCHES---

Misguided satellite
I circle by habit,
cant find my orbit to save my life
I want to fall,
I want to burn,
like an ignorant craterless meteorite
Long ago I was derailed,
long ago the mission failed
but in the distance there appears a light

Disgruntled architect
building a palace
cant make it perfect to save my life
victimless crime ride the wrecking ball in
evacuate now while I breathe dynamite
Efforts all to no avail
Im perfections countervail
torn in pieces, I am made contrite

And in my darkest hour
the brightest light draws near to me
a torch to end all torches,
this is the light that sets me free
all shadows burn away now
but by his grace I am sustained
though all was lost,
now all is found and more is gained

Lift me up and make me whole
Instill in me a new hope
Breathe new life into my soul

---UNQUESTIONED ANSWERS---

Your traps are all baited
your scales are all weighted
but not resisting you would surely drive me insane
so im caught and convicted,
my rights are restricted
the imbecile dynasty continues to reign

your apathy of thought
has lead you to believe
that things are what they're not
my friend you've been decieved
the easiest route rarely leads to the truth
i see the self approval glaze your eyes
you know you're right
no need to worry why
a thousand stones remain unturned
in the wake of your unquestioned answers
and truth covered lies

traditions some bear
idly without out a care
but are determined that they stand unchanged
and those who choose to rebel
just to raise up some hell
tell me what are you hoping to gain

i cant reason with you
i speak words you can't hear
social conditioning left you with deafened ears
so i take your face in hand
see that look in your eyes
that rigormortis stare,
that look that i despise
and so i turn from you
i walk these streets alone
alone i search for truth
ideal that you've disowned
and wait with fingers crossed
and pray you'll someday find
a way to see things though your own eyes

---MADMAN---

Our course is coarsely plotted
on a map of shoddy dreams
and hindsight will reveal
time's moving faster than it seems
and maybe i'm just selfish
cause ive got nothing left to give
im still a foolish boy
ive got a lifetime left to live

i was swinging like a madman,
not quite sure what i'd felled
and i might never understand
exactly what it was i'd held
now i watch the sun descending
from the weathered gravel roof
and i recall the sky once told me
that all lies lead to the truth

so i'll look the other way
and i"ll turn a deafened ear
and i'll talk of distant lands
and pretend i was never here

reality beads on my skin
like a slicker in the rain
but now i feel it's soaking in
and i begin to feel the pain
i fight the urge to run to you
this is how it has to be
we've gotta step away
right now we're just to close to see
so i'll look the other way
and i'll turn a deafened ear
and I'll talk of distant lands
and pretend I was never here

---UNDER PAR---

you set bar too high
your expectations have become my failure
a shell you see so shallow but deep inside
my heart beats just the same as yours
the same blood through these clean veins
can't you see that i'm in pain
it seems my life is always under par
what can i say to change your mind about what i am
others can see what was hidden from your sight
a kid with courage and heart and his eyes open wide
an inner beauty and a bright light
my focus is not yours
i set my sights on new horizons and let my soul have scope
can't you see that i have my own dreams
and though they're not the same as yours
they hold value to me, tell me why can't you see
i'm not the means to mend your past regrets
what can i say to change your mind about what i am
others can see what was hidden from your sight
a kid with courage and heart and his eyes open wide
inner beauty and a bright light
judged for how i look, not for the good that i have done
i try the best i can, but it seems that i'm not the perfect son
shaped by God, and my volition
and the seeds that you have sown
but i ask you once again
when does my life become my own?

---T & C---

In my head everything was perfect
every note resounds in harmony
but all I seem to offer up are dischords
and every note I sing sounds out of key
and every time I play with passion
I start breaking strings
and my voice cracks
when I sing from my heart
guess that's the price
I've got to pay to know that im alive
this melody is tearing me apart

so now what do I have to show
and what price do I have to pay
and like a sayan I won't grow
unless Im battered in the fray
and we're all in the same machine
each one with his own broken dreams
passion gives way to failure
so let's all try and understand
you take my hand and ill take yours
we'll let our passion bleed




***** THE ILLUSION OF SAFETY *****




---KIL ME QUICKLY---

can we,
can we kill each other quickly?
quick enough so i won't feel it?
a shot of strobe light anesthia
and I'll be fine

as I begin to feel cold
my hands are shaking from fear,
white from clutching my pride,
red from cutting you,
and blue from telling lies.

'cause I'm sick of the stabbing,
I'm sick of the breaking,
I'm sick of the bleeding until we fall down,
sick of this circle of death that we dance through
again and again, just lay me in the ground.
let's fall asleep together,
hold me darling 'cause I'm scared,
and I can't do this alone.

but i need!
your heartbeat
to own me,
your cold lips to breathe,
a promise that, tomorrow
we'll wake up somewhere new.

---A SUBTLE DAGGER---

it infiltrates,
insidious,
it feigns at love,
betrays our trust
in what we've known,
since we were born.
the truth we've found in all we see

points to design,
still our chests swell,
we'll never find
true answers from a wishing well.

so feed us all
another lie,
to still our thoughts,
appease our pride,
so we wont have
to chance the way we see, we live, we love, we die,

our lust precedes
our blasphemy,
our logic reads
like notes from tainted autopsy.

our souls they speak of something more,
but we cant look beyond ourselves.
we implore empty skies because
our heats hold room for no one else,

we extend our
claws to grasp at shadows of the
ideals we have,
lost causalities of a subtle dagger,
buried to the
hilt in our hearts, blood on our hands.

---SEE YOU IN THE SHALLOWS---

i hear the waves crash far below,
the rocks are leaping for the sky,
they're starving for the air,
for a bone to break , a dream to smash apart,
but i don't care.

it looks deep enough from here, I'm diving
this cliff has been well worn by ignorance.
it looks deep enough from here, I'm diving
they float face down they all look so content.

i don't know why I'm even here.
guess I'm afraid to be alone.
and down below i see my crew they look okay
that cant be blood the water here
is far too blue

and gravity
seems far away
but i can hear her call my name
its so comforting to know ill never have to think again

it looks deep enough from here, I'm diving
this cliff has been well worn by ignorance.
it looks deep enough from here, I'm diving
we float face down, and don't we look content?
it looks deep enough from here, I'm diving
this cliff has been well worn by ignorance.
it looks deep enough from here, I'm diving
we float face down, and don't we all look content?
it looks deep enough from here
it looks deep enough from here

---BETRAYAL IS A SYMPTOM---

faith,
is not something that i grasp
its something that i fake,
as I'm slipping, as I'm falling through the cracks,
faith
without actions is a mask,
for making the same mistakes
as I'm slipping as I'm falling through the cracks.

somehow i find beauty in our failings,
somehow i find meaning in these lies
somehow I'm made perfect in this fracture,
your back is begging sweetly for my knives,

I'm spilling blood,
glancing down to hide my face,
i walk with eyes closed tight through monuments of grace,

somehow i find beauty in our failings,
somehow i find meaning in these lies
somehow I'm made perfect in this fracture,
your back is begging sweetly for my knives!

my faith is a front, I'm spilling blood,
glancing down to hide my face, I walk with eyes closed
through monuments of grace, I'm spilling blood
glancing down to hide my face i walk with eyes closed
through monuments of grace

isn't it sweet how,
trusted with angels,
and how so quickly
i break my promises?
isn't it sweet, isn't it sweet, isn't it sweet, isn't it sweet?

---DEADBOLT---

when deadbolts awake you from deja vu dreams,
at four in the morning you know where I'll be.
out running red lights asleep at the wheel.
the sirens feed my nightmares,

i just close my eyes and I'm already there;
its already too late.
i know its nothing but lies,
but they sound so sincere;
i find them too hard to hate.

and she calls from the doorway "stolen water is so sweet,
so lets drink in the darkness if you know what i mean"
and she calls from the doorway "stolen water is so sweet,
so lets drink in the darkness if you know what i mean"

and I'm almost sure
that I've been here before,
that this is not the first time I've stood in front of this door,
with an overwhelming feeling that i shouldn't go in,
but it seems this is a battle that i never could win.

and you!
my true love!
you call from the hilltop.
you call through the streets,
"Darling don't you know,
the water is poison."
and i say!
"come on and give me my poison."

what have i done.?
is it too late to save me from this place?
from the depths of the grave?
we all are those ..
who thought we were brave.
what have i done.?

---IN YEARS TO COME---

i want to take the bullet,
the one aimed straight for your heart,
i want to meet the wolves halfway,
and let them tear me apart.
but that's not the way they do it here.

i want to lay on the tracks,
feel hot steel screaming at me,
expose the bones on my back,
let me show you what i mean.
yeah its a different kind of love,
i want to climb barbed wire fences
and warm our hands in blood.

and this is my gift,
is asking you to fix
my ruined hands.
and its a gift that keeps on giving,
and its a gift that keeps on giving,
and its a gift that keeps on giving,
and right now its all i have to give.

i want to lay on the tracks,
feel hot steel screaming at me,
expose the bones on my back,
let me show you what i mean
i want to lay on the tracks,
feel hot steel screaming at me,
expose the bones on my back,
let me show you what i mean

i want to write the perfect song,
and play it just for you,
while you are tangled up in sleep.
i need you more than ill ever know
until i stop breathing
my lungs will take you for granted.

---THE RED DEATH---

entertain the hope that somehow you'll escape me
weld the bolts and close the iron gate
drink deeply the illusion of safety,
my how wishful thoughts inebriate,

masquerade and revel in your opulence.
writhe unfettered by your stabs at ignorance.
swim through hues and whispered tones of heresy,
a dozen strokes to run your blood cold enough to believe
remember me?

you look so surprised to see me here,
with hells black wings did i overperch these walls,
for stony limits cannot hold me out,
and now you all die

--A LIVING DANCE UPON DEAD MINDS---

love everywhere,
exploding, maims and blinds,
a living dance upon dead minds,
love everywhere,
exploding, maims and blinds,
a living dance upon dead minds

but surely does not forget(perish),
sleep, cannot be photographed(measured);
disdains the trivial labeling of punctual brains,
but surely does not forget(perish),
sleep, cannot be photographed(measured);
disdains the trivial labeling of punctual brains,

why its love;
but at the earliest spear
of sun
perfectly should disappear
who wields a poem huger than the grave?
who wields a poem huger than the grave?
who wields a poem huger than the grave?
who wields a poem huger than the grave?
but surely does not forget(perish),
sleep, cannot be photographed(measured);
disdains the trivial labeling of punctual brains,
but surely does not forget(perish),
sleep, cannot be photographed(measured);
disdains the trivial labeling of punctual brains,
(bridge into exit for song)
but surely does not forget(perish),
sleep, cannot be photographed(measured);
disdains the trivial labeling of punctual brains,
but surely does not forget(perish),
sleep, cannot be photographed(measured);
disdains the trivial labeling of punctual brains,

---WHERE IDOLS ONCE STOOD---

our idols lay in ruins
we'd have saved them if we could
but we still choose to worship
the places where our idols stood.

still believing
they can save us,
I've lived this way too long to turn back now

Presuppositions set in stone
this coffin sealed by my own pride,
and though it seems the sun will shine,
ill draw the shades and stay inside.

if we've learned anything at all,
its that the chests of idols will do just as well
we all see what we want to anyway (screams 'anyway')

some things
are better left unsaid.
you know what's at stake
something's are better left unsaid
as long as we keep it
in textbooks, then well be untouchable, untouchable
we hate to lie to children,
but after all its all
for their own good.

---TRUST---

mix the chemicals right dear, mix the chemicals right
yeah the margin of error is slight
mix the chemicals right dear
mix the chemicals right
yeah you know that you could
save my life

there is a risk, there's a risk when your dealing with love
you could snap my neck
any speed you drive can be dangerous

mix the chemicals right dear, mix the chemicals right
yeah you know there's a find line between
mix the chemicals right dear, mix the chemicals right
cause i know what betrayal can mean

when this frame fails me
will i trust you to carry me through?
i know there's no such thing as safety
but i know what a promise can do.
will i trust you, will i trust you to carry me through?
i will trust you, cause i know what a promise can do

---TO AWAKE AND AVENGE THE DEAD---

old friend they told me you were dead
the news broadcast the funeral
500 channels focus in
your love was
ravished drawn and quartered,
the soil was swift to drink her blood.
this violence in the name of love!

but i still feel you,
despite your tombstone,
but i still feel you,
despite your tombstone,
so friend you must still walk among us,
in places we don't dare to glance
i saw you killing Aristotle
but i know its all part of the plan.
old friend they told me you were dead
the news broadcast the funeral
500 channels focus in
your love was
ravished drawn and quartered,
the soil was swift to drink her blood.
this violence in the name of love!
old friend they told me you were dead
the news broadcast the funeral
500 channels focus in
your love was
ravished drawn and quartered,
the soil was swift to drink her blood.
this violence, this violence, this violence in the name of love!
To awake and avenge the dead
To awake and avenge the dead

---SO STRANGE I REMEMBER YOU---

So Strange I Remember You in protest of a prayer,
and falling back from seas we fear to sail
i swear i saw the shooter, gold deep and double dare,
postmortem warnings seem inclined to fail,

feigning an apology.
those words they never left your lips,
those 5 years in Bermuda slide by like the lights of passing ships,
So Strange that I Remember You,
kneeling deep in Nietzsche's lies
my throat was an open grave i drank your stained glass eyes

and they taste like dead cathedrals
that are crumbling beneath a weight ten thousand jaded tourists
who've traded in their hearts and hands for
disposable cameras, set to document to decay
set to capture just enough of life to catalogue the things we throw away

(whispered)
(breathing the fumes of our machines)
we've lost our way-Dustin sings
( breathing through television dreams)-whispered

if we could only see us now
if we could only see us now

the words of the dead ring in our ears
but its only a lie
the voice in your head brings you to tears
but you don't know why
the words of the dead ring in our ears
but its only a lie
the voice in your head brings you to tears
but its only a lie,
yes its only a lie,
...isn't it?

---THE BELTSVILLE CRUCIBLE---

True friends stab you in the front
keep you from getting what you want
when one more fix could kill you
they help you realize that

you're more and less than you first had believed
you've so much to give and there's so much you need
shortcuts through graveyards and a brand new way to breathe
three thousand miles just to learn,
all that's gold does not all shine...
and helping words aren't always kind,
when one more kiss could kill you,
they help you realize that

you're more and less than you first had believed
you've so much to give and there's so much you need
shortcuts through graveyards and a brand new way to breathe
three thousand miles just to learn.

.how to let my guard down
accept the fire that has spread among us.
and if you're feeling all right,
you've got to play it again,
you've got to play it again.



<submitted by Natedogg>



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